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Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. We've put up with some pretty weird shit in our childhoods, didn't we? We had... (Pictures of the Care Bears) NC (voiceover): ...midget bears that made people feel better by shooting out their radioactive stomachs... (Pictures of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) NC (voiceover): ...premature reptiles that study ninjitsu while eating processed Italian food... (Picture of Alf) NC (voiceover): ...and an alien whose nose quite frankly... ("CENSORED" bar covers Alf's nose) NC (voiceover): ...should've been censored. NC: Yet with all that strangeness going on, there are still a few select moments that stick out in the totally messed up department. These are known as the "Mindfuck moments". (Montage of various insane footage) NC (voiceover): The times when not only are you looking at total craziness, but it's constantly being thrown at you and simply will not let up. It can be just a few moments, or it can sometimes be the length of the entire movie. Either way, there's absolutely NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT IT! NC: Now I've already mentioned the Tom & Jerry movie in another review, and trust me when I say that aborted atrocity doesn't have to be mentioned again. But, there are still 11 other choices that deserve to be looked and feared beyond reason. So, in this special "surreal" edition of the "Nostalgia Critic", I'd like you to forget about your calm, logical reality, and enter a world of crazy, insane, fucked-up-tivity. This is the Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks. (Montage of various insane footage made by YouTube user cyriak --with the NC inserted into the footage while he plays along--and Creature Feature: The Greatest Show Unearthed in the intro and title screen) (In the credits, the Nostalgia Critic accidentally credits Cnacu60 for the visuals, but corrects this in his next video.) Number Banana (11) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "Banana"--'Toon Town from ''Who Framed Roger Rabbit.' (Footage from the movie) '''NC (voiceover):' This is every kid's dream come true, and every adult's worst nightmare. A world crawling with completely insane cartoon characters. Mr. Toad: Tally-ho! NC (voiceover): At first it sounds cool, but when you really get down to it, a lot of your favorite characters are fucking assholes! Tweety Bird: (unhooking Eddie Valiant's fingers from a pole) This wittle piggy went to market... (Eddie screams as he lets go from the pole) NC: (in a trippy background--which he will be in front of until the end of the episode) Every other second, something's either shouting, exploding, or trying to kill you! It's like a weekend at Ted Nugent's house! (Eddie Valiant falls from a demolished top floor as he screams and grabs his hat, which comes off of him as he falls) NC (voiceover): Plus, it's probably the only time you'll see Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse together. That alone is pretty surreal. Bugs Bunny: (dubbed by NC) Neh, so how's Pixar saving your ass this time, Mickey? Mickey Mouse: (dubbed by NC) Suck my enchanted ball sack, you hunk of shit! NC (voiceover): It was always bright and colorful, but it was also manic and totally out of control, making a simple day time stroll a friggin' fight for your life. Hummingbirds: Hi, Eddie! NC (voiceover): Operating on cartoon logic--that is to say, no logic--Toon Town definitely knew how to make us all grateful to be living in the real world. Eddie: Toons. Gets 'em every time. NC: I'm a carrot. (NC is replaced by carrot with NC's face) NC (dark voice): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Number Balloon (10) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "Balloon"--''Cool World''. NC (voiceover): This is a horrible movie. It makes no sense, the acting is horrible, and nothing about it is funny or dramatic. But, boy, was it fucked up; creating a city of faces, a million violent residents, and just to make it as surreal as possible: Brad Pitt. Frank Harris (Brad Pitt): You're dealing with shit here that's way over your head. NC: All right, I can take the madness and chaos of this world, but Brad Pitt?? FOR SOME REASON, THAT'S JUST TOO FAR! NC (voiceover): He's surreal enough being with Angelina Jolie. He doesn't need any help from this movie. Harris: I've heard it. It bores me. NC (voiceover): Much like Toon Town, Cool World was always loud and obnoxious; but rather than being bright and colorful, Cool World was dark and grainy, creating one of the coolest hell-holes ever put on film. (Many cartoon characters make obnoxious sound-effects) NC (voiceover): Unfortunately, it does its job a little too well. By the time this movie was over, I ran for the exit like the screen was on fire, and judging by the images, it was hard to tell whether it was or not. Harris: This place should be erased. NC (voiceover): Still, even for all its nonsensical anarchy, Cool World did have...well, nonsensical anarchy, and I guess that is something to be admired. Dr. Vincent Whiskers: We may not be real to you as of yet, but we will be. NC: Yes. (Another NC leans in front of him from the left side of the screen) 2nd NC: Yes. (A third NC leans in front of the other two NC's from the right side of the screen) 3rd NC: Yes. (The 2nd NC raises his eyebrows, followed by the 3rd NC) Number Z (9) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "Z"--''Dragon's Lair 2: Time Warp.'' NC (voiceover): Now I know it's kind of cheating putting a video game in the mix, but Dragon's Lair 2 was a fully 2-D animated adventure, and was still enjoyable to watch even if you weren't playing it. (Footage from the first Dragon's Lair game is shown) NC (voiceover): Unlike the 1st arcade game that simply put you in different rooms and different situations... (Footage from the second game is shown) NC (voiceover): Dragon's Lair 2 actually moved like a story. Well, sort of. There were actual levels instead of just obstacles, but they still didn't make that much sense, like the 1st level is just escaping your angry mother-in-law. How strange is that? Mother-In-Law: You...better...find...my...daughter...or...'' EEEEEEELLLLLSE!'' NC (voiceover): There's another level where you're confused for Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Cheshire Cat: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves / Did gyre and gimble in the wabe / All mimsy were the borogoves / And the mome raths outgrabe. NC (voiceover): But the strangest level of all has got to be the Beethoven level. You start off as the size of a mouse as you're fighting off a cat in Beethoven's house. Sounds basic enough, but look what happens as time goes by. (Ludwig van Beethoven and his piano start flying upwards into the sky) NC (voiceover): What the hell? Why is the piano flying? Why is the cat breathing fire? And... (Beethoven flashes out a piano key coat while randomly turning into Elton John) ...why did Beethoven suddenly turn into Elton John? We never get an answer for any of this, but to be honest, the answers will probably just confuse us more. The Dragon's Lair games were not only intense to play, but they were a trip to watch, making no sense what-so-ever... (posters for The Pebble and the Penguin, Rock-a-Doodle and A Troll in Central Park are shown) ...but given the director's other projects, I'd say we've come to expect that... (Game footage is shown) NC (voiceover): ...and in this case, actually enjoyed it. NC (low voice): PORCUPINES ARE GOD! (A Porcupine God poster is shown) NC (normal voice): Next number. Number Toaster (8) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "Toaster"--'The Paraphernalia Wagon from ''Grinch Night.' (A poster of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" is shown) '''NC (voiceover):' The Grinch had a number of spin-offs after How the Grinch Stole Christmas, including... (posters of the following are shown) "Grinch Night", "The Grinch Grinches the Cat in the Hat", and probably the most controversial... (fake picture of...) "How the Grinch Killed Horton". But this was by far the strangest of them, as all the Whos down in Whoville are afraid of the Grinch coming down from his mountain and into the neighborhood. So it's up to a small boy named Euchariah to stand up to the Grinch and try to distract him. Why is he coming to town? Because the...wind has changed. Why is everyone afraid of him? Because...he's the Grinch, I guess. Okay, so this plot made absolutely no sense what-so-ever... (pictures of "The Cat in the Hat", "There's a Wocket in My Pocket!", "If I Ran the Zoo" and "Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?" are shown) and given the stories of Dr. Seuss, that's saying a lot. On top of that, it's a very dialogue-heavy special with very little action or visuals. Narrator: Euchariah said... Euchariah: Grandpa Josiah? Narrator: And Grandpa Josiah said... Josiah: Yes, Euchariah? Narrator: And Euchariah said... Euchariah: Call the Grinch alarm sender. Narrator: And Grandpa Josiah said... Josiah: Excellent suggestion. Narrator: And Euchariah said... NC: SHUT UP! NC (voiceover): That is until the Grinch opens up his Paraphernalia Wagon, or as I'd like to call it...Hell! Paraphernalia Monsters (singing): Euchariah! Euchariah! / This is it, HA! This is it, HA! / Grinch is gonna get ya! / Grinch is gonna get ya! / Nitzen di-fah-la! YAH! NC (voiceover): Unlike The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog though, all the creatures and visuals have structure, and are pretty impressive to look at if your 5-year-old mind can take it. Paraphernalia Monsters (singing): Grinch is gonna get ya! Grinch is gonna get ya! / Grinch is gonna get ya! Grinch is gonna get ya! / Nitzen di-fah-la! YAH! / Nitzen di-fah-la! YAH! NC (mocking a little child): I just wet myself! NC (voiceover): Logical? No! Crazy? Nah! Fucked up beyond all recognition? You bet your friggin' ass! Grinch Night is one night on the town I think we'd all like to forget sooner than later. Paraphernalia Monsters (singing): Nitzen di-hah-la! YAH! NC (upside-down): Now onto our next num--wait a minute, this isn't right. (fixes his tie) Much better. Number Love (7) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "Love"--''Raggedy Ann and Andy: A Musical Adventure''. (Footage from the movie is shown) NC (voiceover): Now I know what you're thinking: "How can a movie based on a prissy little doll have anything resembling a mindfuck moment?" Well, just watch some of it. (Scenes of various insane scenes are shown, including jack in the box monsters laughing at Ann, the Camel with Wrinkled Knees having a hallucination about angelic camels ascending to heaven...) Camel: I'm coming! (...Greedy's head rolling...) Greedy: IS THIS ENDLESS EATING ALL THERE IS? TO BE... (...Ann's voice being replaced with other noises, Sir Leonard Looney singing and dancing...) Looney: (singing) The reason that I, is cause I LOOOOOVE YOOOOOU! (...Ann, Andy and the Camel being trapped in LooneyLand, and the King laughing, causing his head to inflate like a balloon.) NC (horrified): What the fuck?! NC (voiceover): This was a weird friggin' movie with bizarre characters and strange settings. It came out in the 70s-- what a surprise--and was the first movie to ever be based on the doll. So nobody really knew what to do with it, so they decided to do anything they wanted to do with it: adding the strangest images ever to be associated with the character. I think the strangest parts are probably involving a blobbish creature called the Greedy. Greedy (singing): 'Cause without a sweetheart, I never get enough. (slurps) NC (voiceover): ...and two naked dolls that do, um, this. Dolls (singing): Where'd you go? Where'd you go? / What did you do, and why? Tell us what you saw, dear Raggedy / We're so oh so curious, we could die / Whoa-oh! NC (crying): RAGGEDY ANN SCARES ME! NC (voiceover): Most kids were freaked out by this movie, which caused a whole generation of kids to be scared by... (An image of Raggedy Ann) this fucking thing. (NC screams and jumps out a window) NC (voiceover): Even though it wasn't really a good film and it was a huge flop at the box-office, it was certainly creative and gave us a whole shitload of things to freak our minds over. If you can believe it, the same guy who animated Toon Town... (Scenes of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit") was also the director of this screwed-up little fable. NC: Yeah! I know! Quite a stretch, huh? NC (voiceover): I never thought I'd say this, but after seeing this movie, Raggedy Ann is just plain fucked up! (Mr. Puppy appears) NC: Why if it isn't Mr. Puppy! Hello, Mr. Pup-- (Mr. Puppy turns into a gorilla) NC: OH MY GOD! A GORILLA! (Gorilla roars and attacks NC) Number "#" (6) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "#"--'The opening to the ''Beetlejuice cartoon.' ''Footage of the TV opening Beetlejuice: It's SHOWTIME! NC (voiceover): I'm convinced this show had the coolest opening ever. Not only were the images out there and deranged, but the music sounded like a group of Christmas Carolers singing on a fucking Tilt-A-Whirl. Singers: Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala... NC (voiceover): Look at all these weird creations that just continue to fly out at you! If Tim Burton had never done acid, I'd hate to see what happens if he does. Beetlejuice laughs evilly NC (voiceover): I remember the show itself being okay, and you can definitely call it a very straight series, but it's this fucked up opening that always got your attention. I could honestly just watch this a dozen times and probably be just as satisfied as watching an episode. NC: It was kind of like a Disney ride...designed by the Manson family. Opening footage NC (voiceover): Creepy, kooky, mysterious and spooky, the opening to Beetlejuice knew how to creep us out, as well as hype us up! Number Lamp (5) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "Lamp"--'The Hallucination from ''Beavis and Butthead Do America.' ''Footage from the movie NC (voiceover): I know neither the show nor the movie was intended for kids, but that didn't stop us from watching it anyway! And boy, did it lead to one of the biggest trip-out moments ever. It all starts when Beavis and Butthead are stranded in the desert as Beavis takes a bite of a cactus that causes him to start hallucinating, and what follows is... NC (rocking out): ...the BEST DAMN HALLUCINATION EVER! NC (voiceover): Now it's pretty well known that Beavis and Butthead had never been very big in the artistic department. Rob Zombie's movie illustrations NC (voiceover): But when they got the designs of Rob Zombie's illustration work, the rest is mindfuck history. And as soon as it's over of course, no one ever mentions it again. NC: ...Yeah, OK. NC cues the Big Lipped Alligator Moment Weird Voice: The Big Lipped Alligator Moment! Movie footage NC (voiceover): Actually, a lot of these mindfucks are essentially "Big-Lipped Alligator Moments," but as long as they entertain and mess up our perception of normality, it's always welcome. Number Guttenberg (4) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "Guttenberg"--'Willy Wonka's tunnel from Hell.' Footage from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory NC (voiceover): Yeah, yeah, I know I put this on a list already, but this scene is just so goddamn strange, I had to mention it again. I mean, what is up with it? The rest of the movie is so charming and magical, and then all of a sudden, we're transported into Satan's warp zone! What was the point? Mrs. Teevee: Ugh. I think I'm gonna be sick. NC starts singing "Pure Imagination" from the movie. NC (singing): There is no life I know... Movie footage Mr. Salt: How much to get off the boat, Wonka?! NC (singing): ...to compare with pure imagination... Movie footage Mrs. Teavee: Aah! NC (singing): ...living there, you'll be free... Passengers: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!! NC (singing): ...if you truly wish... Wonka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Number π (3) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "π"--'"This is Halloween" from ''The Nightmare Before Christmas.' ''Footage from the movie NC (voiceover): This is by far the best part of the movie. It's the best song, best visuals, and best out-of-your-fucking-mind moment. Every second, something is flying at you, and in a world where everything is designed to scare, chances are you're gonna come across some freaky moments. This world is so surreal that bats actually have strings attached to them! NC: Whoa! That's just crazy! NC (voiceover): All the creatures of Halloween are in the opening and are all recognizable...except for one. What the hell is that guy? Points at a weird monster NC (voiceover): He looks a chewed up reject from... (Where the Wild Things Are cover) NC (voiceover): ...Where the Wild Things Are. I mean, what's he doing there? Movie footage Harlequin (singing): I am a genius! NC (voiceover): While the whole movie is, of course, a classic, it's the song sequence that we remember the most, because it has the most freaky-ass shit coming at us. A few years ago, this film was released again in theaters and presented in 3D. NC: I had a hard time enough watching it in 2D! I don't need 3 dimensions to tell me how fucked up this is! Wolfman: Aren't you scared? Movie footage NC (voiceover): Whether you're scared by it or not, This is Halloween definitely ranks a 9.5 on the What-The-Fuck-o-Meter. Halloween Town Residents: WHEEE! NC (wearing weird old man mask): What? Number Piano (2) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): Number "Piano"--'The Pink Elephants from ''Dumbo.' ''Footage from movie NC (voiceover): Again, this is a perfectly normal kids film that suddenly takes a trip down LSD lane in the middle of the movie. The scene starts out with Dumbo getting drunk. NC: I just realized how strange that sounds. NC (voiceover): We see him start to blow bubbles with his trunk as the bubbles start shapeshifting. Timothy: Do you see what I see? NC (voiceover): ...and then...CHAOS! A parade of pink black eyed demons come dancing out of nowhere and decide to have a freak-out. Singers: Pink elephants on parade! Here they come! Hippity! Hoppity! They're here, and there! Pink elephants everywhere! NC (voiceover): I actually love watching this movie when little kids are around, because they never know if they should be enchanted or horrified. Singers: I am not the type to faint when things are odd or things are quaint! Chase 'em away! Chase 'em away! I'm afraid! Need your aid! Pink elephants on parade! NC (mimicking little kid): I'm not pissing myself with fear...but why? Movie footage NC (voiceover): The scene just gets more and more surreal until the final gangbang of consciousness takes place. (Total chaos ensures until exploding into a peaceful atmosphere) NC (sighing after gameplay): Was it good for you? NC (voiceover): Totally out of nowhere and totally making no sense, Pink Elephants was a bubbly brain-bash that no amount of alcohol can make you forget. Number E=mc2 (1) (Interlude) NC (voiceover): And the Number "Theory of Relativity" Nostalgic Mindfuck is--'The Opening to ''Pee Wee's Playhouse.' ''Footage from TV opening Pee Wee's Big Adventure footage NC (voiceover): Somehow, Pee Wee keeps making it on my... Pee Wee's Anti-Crack PSA footage NC (voiceover): ...Top 11 Lists. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing... Opening footage NC (voiceover): ...but in this slot, it's definitely called for. The show starts off in the middle of the forest, and at first, it's kind of relaxing. The music is very mellow, nothing much is really going on, and you see what your house would look like if you were the richest stoner in the world. But just as you're starting to relax... NC sighs in relaxation and leans back in his chair, soothed by the music when the mindfuck portion of the intro begins as Pee Wee's window starts talking and NC reacts to the sudden change NC: Is the window talking? Pee Wee pops up by surprise, scaring NC NC (voiceover): ...it goes into mindfuck central, where literally everything in the house can talk. The chair, the clock, the window, everything. The only thing I never saw talk on the show was the floor, and that's because I don't think it had anything to say.* We also hear the song sung by a woman, or at least I hope it's a woman**, who sounds like she just sucked a year's worth of helium. *(NC gets this wrong as the floor, named Floory, does talk in a few episodes) **Yes, it's a woman. It's Cyndi Lauper. Yeah, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdQY7BusJNU this one. Wrap your head around that one. Singer: Get out of bed, they'll be no more napping... NC (mimicking singer): It hurts when I breathe! Opening footage NC (voiceover): ...and if this little checking out of your sanity doesn't last very long, think again. Most TV shows have an opening of about 30 seconds; a minute at the most. Pee Wee's Playhouse has an opening of 2 1/2 minutes, never once showing a single solitary credit! If an introduction where everything talks, chipmunks are singing, and Laurence Fishburne* wears a cowboy suit isn't considered the ultimate mindfuck, then quite frankly, I think it's time you get an intervention. *Do you know who he is? He's Morpheus from The Matrix. Yup. Pee Wee: Huhuhuhuhuhuh! Epilogue NC (finally back in his normal room): And those are the Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks. Well, I think it's time to return to reality-- Raggedy Ann & Andy footage NC: I said, "I think it's time to return to reali--" Cool World footage NC: Come on, guys! Dumbo footage NC: Hey! Knock it off! Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory footage NC: GO AWAY! Dumbo footage Beavis and Butthead Do America footage Raggedy Ann & Andy footage NC: Right! ELEPHANT! The Burger King appears; all mindfuck footage and audio stops. NC sighs in relief NC: Thank you, terrifying logo. I needed that. NC gets up to leave, but stops NC: Hey, how come you didn't come out when I mentioned the Pink Elephants? Oh, it's because I mentioned the "s" at the end, isn't it? You only come out when I say "elephant". Burger King appears NC: ...s. Burger King disappears NC: Elephant... Burger King appears NC: ...s. Burger King disappears NC: Elephant... Burger King appears NC: ...s. Burger King disappears NC: Elephant... Burger King appears NC: ...s. Burger King disappears NC: Elephant... Burger King appears NC: ...s. Burger King disappears NC: Elephant... Burger King logo falls on NC's head, finally shutting him up NC: I had my fun. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to. NC gets up and leaves The End Category:Content Category:Guides Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Top 11 Category:Countdown Lists Category:Transcripts